emails — madonna12

Labubu
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Abraham Villarreal Thu, Aug 14, 9:54 AM (2 days ago)
You, miss. Are the antidote, the cure, the antithesis of the labubu matcha epidemic that's corroding our society.A toast for more Marlboro vodka tonic boys & gals.

RA, just for consideration
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thro away <throwawayacct730@gmail.com

Thu, Jul 31, 8:19 PM My ex (28yo) was just diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis.

I thought arthritis was an old people thing :(
You and her had a lot of the same symptoms. She suffered a few years without knowing what was wrong with her and doctors were not much help until now. (with treatment early it can go a lot better). Might be worth at least a google search.

Even clearly effective drugs can take 5-10 years to clear clinical trials, so it might also be worth considering being a part of a clinical trial.

I wish you health, happiness and peace! Thanks again for publishing your excellently written blog.

thro away <throwawayacct730@gmail.com

Thu, Aug 14, 12:27 PM (2 days ago)

Sorry Im probably wrong! Please disregard previous message lol.
Its probably not RA or even autoimmune.

Maybe check out POTS, or dysautonomia. Though at this point it could be anything.

Keep enduring youre doing great! Good luck out there. <throwawayacct730@gmail.com></throwawayacct730@gmail.com>

You are not alone and neither am i
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Erin Suh Thu, Aug 14, 8:53 PM (2 days ago)i ash i see a lot of myself in u and u are older and prettier and cooler than i am so that gives me a lot of hope. i havent taken my meds in two days so im feeling very emotional and i want you to know that i love you or at least the Instagram account u run and ur twitter too. i look up to you i really do and im realizing that this may sound like a burden but its not. i dont expect you to be perfect or even a role model i just love to take inspiration from beautiful interesting people. do you have any advice for me?😊 Sent from my iPhone

sh 3:42 PM (0 minutes ago

take your meds

ash

realmadonnaomgnoway
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cris damienFri, Aug 15, 3:48 PM (23 hours ago) ive read some of your blog over the last couple of weeks and i love the way you write about your experiences. i hope you arent quite as isolated and sad as your words make you out to be, or if you are you are at least comfortable. tbh I found it quite anxiety relieving during a time when i was anxious 24/7 so thanks. i feel the same about birthdays btw. i cried for 10 minutes straight on my 18th birthday years ago because i didnt want the idea of accepting responsibility i suppose, since then i am basically completely indifferent to my birthday. i think its linked to who got spoiled huge on their birthday as a child and then how soon that all stopped. also have you seen the film demonlover (2002) i watched it and then found your instagram through a certain three piece shoegaze band and somehow thought the two were connected.

your hair is really cool btw. i hope i meet a girl who is clearly inspired by whatever you

ash 3:41 PM (0 minutes ago)> Thats sweet. Thanks.

You seem young. It gets less intense the older you get.

(no subject)
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11:26 AM (4 hours agoI went through all the people I was following and asked myself one thing I liked about them or else I had to unfollow, and for you it was that you always seem on the brink of giving up and you're doing it publicly so keep going please<

> 3:39 PM (0 minutes ago) I dont really have anything to say this

i wanna say thanks
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petra
1:24 PM (2 hours ago)
to me

Hi ash,
Since April you have inspired me to start reading more and figure out what I even want to read/learn about.
I'm no longer a student, I am not in college, so I try to acquire knowledge myself. Currently I am reading Intercourse by Andrea Dworkin. I have a book on the way and I'm trying to find a specific book in my capital city (it has more bookstores), so I could understand more of Didion's work.
Thank you for sharing your experiences with the public. You are more inspiring than you think, please keep writing and posting :)

Love from Croatia,
petragarbage

ash
3:38 PM (0 minutes ago)
to petra

I love croatia. Thanks for your nice words.

Have a nice day,
ash

r u actually self destructive or is it all act for instagram?
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martin ramos
Thu, Jun 19, 5:54 PM
im genuinely curious because i get the whole “model” persona and the idgaf act but like is it all a act or a real thing because i think its funny asl but also d

madonna 12
3:36 PM (1 minute ago)
to martin

I'm sorry this is a fucking ridiculous email.

ash

Pool Reading
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Jackson Bechtold <jackson.bechtold@gmail.com> Thu, Apr 10, 12:25 PM (22 hours ago) to me Hi Madonna Internet Person, I'm fixing myself a black coffee as I'm writing this. I was meant to go on a second date with someone today but I cancelled it. I don't want to go on any more dates unless I'm sure the person isn't going to pressure me to "hit a geeb" or whatever. I'm not saying that all stoners are evil or anything, but they are stupid and I don't like talking to them about politics. All this to say that my schedule is clear for the rest of the day and that I'm probably going to try shopping for more pants. I only own three pairs of pants that I like and unfortunately they're all Dickies. I would like to find pants nonadjacent to work wear. For variety, but also because I don't want to be a blue collar poser or something. I do more physical labor than a lot of people at my University probably do, but not nearly enough to claim any kind of lifestyle. Add to this painting a beat up 2018 Nissan Frontier and it looks like I have something to prove. I inherited the truck from my grandfather shortly after he got sick and shortly before he passed away. I'm learning the tricks of the trade from a disappearing middle class lifestyle, basically. I'm fixing up my grandmother's (wife of deceased grandfather's) house to sell it. My grandfather was a hoarder and I've spent every weekend this semester sorting through his belongings and throwing things out. One time I found five very expensive looking rings in a plastic bag. Two of them looked like engagement rings. Whatever. My family is financially well, but frugal, and I like it this way. It makes me want to become a homeowner so I can devote my life to tasks like these. Reading your blog is very difficult for me internally because I have my own RE: MOVING TO NEW YORK, but for me it's RE: FINDING A SOURCE OF INCOME ON THE OPPOSITE COAST AND MOVING TO LOS ANGELES AFTER COLLEGE. I have essentially nothing in terms of cultural credit. I make music but it isn't very good and my only real talent is graphic design. I should probably just stick to what I'm good at, but that ideal didn't stop me from emailing a demo to fakemink last night. I don't historically make trap music but I've been very inspired by Salem recently. I loved seeing you post that photo of Jack Donoghue and Julia Fox to your appendages/badges section. Speaking of, I've been poking around any albums you mention recently. I'd been a fan of Carissa's Wierd maybe a month before reading your blog and knowing now that you're a Salem fan definitely makes me want to listen to that John Frusciante album you mentioned. Even if the two artists aren't related, your men on downers comment is gonna be stuck in my head for some time. You also reintroduced me to Expectations by Belle and Sebastian which my mother used to play in the car all the time. Thank you for that! Also just thank you in general for continuing to blog despite personal inconveniences. (Not that I could understand, not trying to pretend to.) Reading about your life helps me contextualize mine. I have a poor memory and I have a difficult time keeping track of everything so being able to take on your mindset has been very helpful to me. My favorite part of your blog is when you talk about cleaning or lists of tasks. How would you recommend I use adderall? A friend gave me a pill because they suspected that I have ADHD, but I haven't taken it yet because I'm afraid of tweaking or misusing it. Should I take it on a weekend morning? Is good sleep the night before important? Let me know if you have the time. I should probably focus on buying pants now. Have fun at coachella! Best, Jackson ash <madonnapopstar12@gmail.com> 10:08 AM (30 minutes ago) to Jackson 

A) I would not recommend using adderall. Seems hypocritical. I don’t want my legacy to be endorsing adderall to 19-21 year olds. But if you’re going to do it, make sure you eat and drink water. Also objects in motion stay in motion, you have to actually get up and do work. If not you’ll just lay in bed all day and the only difference is … well maybe none. B) I think smoking weed is bordering on immoral behavior, so I don’t recommend that you date somebody that smokes weed. Joking. But it is just kind of boring. They move slow. I don’t have patience for that unfortunately. C) “Cultural credit” is not real. Culture isn’t really a thing anymore. Even if I use present tense words surrounding it, we probably haven’t had any contemporary culture since like 98. Which sucks. Don’t think about what you’re making too hard, it will be 10000000% more enjoyable. Best, Madonna </madonnapopstar12@gmail.com></jackson.bechtold@gmail.com>

compliments on ur blog
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haley geffen <haleymgeffen@gmail.com> Fri, Apr 4, 12:09 PM (7 days ago) to me hi, my name is haley, i'm from new york. i gave up twitter for lent and then randomly went back on in a moment of weakness and found ur account and then ur blog. it's very good, a really interesting read. i appreciate ur vulnerability and honesty. i have a somewhat similar cadence in my own writing but I'm no writer I just open up the free form application on my computer and type until it hurts, I'm too scared to share anything that real to the internet. you've really reinvigorated something in me. i also think we have some mutuals or at least a mutual and they spoke highly of u. anyways, keep at it, I really love what you're doing. also how did you feel about the new edition of the paris review? best, haley 

 ash <madonnapopstar12@gmail.com> 10:13 AM (25 minutes ago) to haley Hi Haley, I haven’t fully delved into the new Paris Review yet. I brought my copy with me to Coachella. So maybe I’ll read it by the pool soon. Could be nice. Thank you for saying complementaries about my blog; I appreciate it. I’m kind of a pussy, not very brave. I just have nothing to lose. For better or for worse the internet doesn’t feel very real to me. I might regret doing all of this later, but for now it’s fun. Send me your username. Would love to follow you back. I need more twitter mutuals that aren’t 50 year old men who want to have sex with me and call me things like “tiny” or “minx” </madonnapopstar12@gmail.com></haleymgeffen@gmail.com>
(no subject)
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Michal Popowicz
Thu, Apr 10, 11:41 AM (22 hours ago)
to me

do you have a poem that's really stood out to you recently

ash <madonnapopstar12@gmail.com> 10:11 AM (27 minutes ago) to Michal Can’t remember title. But the second poem in Crush by Richard Siken. I’m really glazing the fuck out of him these days </madonnapopstar12@gmail.com>

hi love ur blog
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Elizabeth Apter <elizabethapter@gmail.com> Sun, Mar 30, 4:32 AM (12 days ago) to me i hope youre having a lovely day/night/morning/evening i thought id let you know that your writing provides a lot of inspiration to me. i am a contemporary dance choreographer and sometimes when i have no idea what to create i read what you have to say and it rlly helps. your ability to apply artistic prowess to the mundanities of life is very valuable. thank you for that have a lovely rest of ur day/night/morning/evening liz <3 

ash <madonnapopstar12@gmail.com> 10:14 AM (22 minutes ago) to Elizabeth Thank you!!! So sweetness</madonnapopstar12@gmail.com></elizabethapter@gmail.com>

(no subject)
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cutie's dump
Thu, Apr 10, 11:27 AM (23 hours ago)
I Dare You PayPal Me See What Happens: https://www.paypal.biz/westonnvaughn

ash <madonnapopstar12@gmail.com> 9:54 AM (35 minutes ago) to cutie's Why would I PayPal you … </madonnapopstar12@gmail.com>

Hi
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breanna Ramirez <brelovejs2000@icloud.com> Thu, Mar 20, 11:55 PM to me Hi. Do u believe in fate? Sent from my iPhone 

ash <madonnapopstar12@gmail.com> Thu, Apr 3, 6:56 AM (8 days ago) to breanna No. I actually believe in the antonym of fate. Which I guess that existence precedes essences. I like Jean Paul Sartre too much to believe in fate unfortunately </madonnapopstar12@gmail.com>

Good day!
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Mateo Morales <mateo.d.morales@gmail.com> Thu, Apr 10, 11:35 AM (22 hours ago) to me Good morning Madonna, Hope you enjoy your pool time. I’m currently eating breakfast while reading a paper for my psych class about the effects of sex hormones such as progesterone on the brain, more specifically the MTL and hippocampus area’s. I find it extremely interesting, but a little bit confusing since it brings up a lot of things about the different menstrual phases, which I am not to knowledgeable in. After this I’m going to shower and then probably make breakfast, which will be eggs and potatoes. How is your day going? Why are you at the pool? Any goals for today? - Teo ash <madonnapopstar12@gmail.com> 9:54 AM (32 minutes ago) to Mateo 

My day, albeit a day late,  is going swimmingly (get it?) I made a French press coffee and read a book about the western moralization of suicide. I’m going to swim soon. I want to eat a banana really bad, maybe with some honey. Goal for today: don’t die. Don’t embarrass myself in front of niche micro celebrities. Or big ones.  Eat more of the berry Chantilly cake leftovers. Maybe a mimosa. I’m kind of opposed to day drinking though. </madonnapopstar12@gmail.com></mateo.d.morales@gmail.com><mateo.d.morales@gmail.com> Thu, Apr 10, 11:35 AM (22 hours ago) to me Good morning Madonna, Hope you enjoy your pool time. I’m currently eating breakfast while reading a paper for my psych class about the effects of sex hormones such as progesterone on the brain, more specifically the MTL and hippocampus area’s. I find it extremely interesting, but a little bit confusing since it brings up a lot of things about the different menstrual phases, which I am not to knowledgeable in. After this I’m going to shower and then probably make breakfast, which will be eggs and potatoes. How is your day going? Why are you at the pool? Any goals for today? - Teo ash <madonnapopstar12@gmail.com> 9:54 AM (32 minutes ago) to Mateo My day, albeit a day late,  is going swimmingly (get it?) I made a French press coffee and read a book about the western moralization of suicide. I’m going to swim soon. I want to eat a banana really bad, maybe with some honey. Goal for today: don’t die. Don’t embarrass myself in front of niche micro celebrities. Or big ones.  Eat more of the berry Chantilly cake leftovers. Maybe a mimosa. I’m kind of opposed to day drinking though. </madonnapopstar12@gmail.com></mateo.d.morales@gmail.com>

(no subject)
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linkyboiguy <loganburson007@gmail.com> 8:55 AM (1 hour ago) to me How does it feel to be super famous Madonnapopstar12realmadonna? ash <madonnapopstar12@gmail.com> 9:45 AM (41 minutes ago) to linkyboiguy Very cool. </madonnapopstar12@gmail.com></loganburson007@gmail.com>

Hi
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muriel cutshaw
Thu, Apr 10, 11:20 AM (23 hours ago)
to me

I threw my tv remote to get it out of the way and now it’s broken. What do i even do in this situation do i buy replacement. where do i even get a replacement tv remote. This is all just a bit much for me

I hope you are enjoying the poolside. as you read this

ash <madonnapopstar12@gmail.com> 9:55 AM (29 minutes ago) to muriel I suppose it might benefit you to get a new remote. I don’t know though. Maybe the internet, you could order one

Pool Reads
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cattledogdirt <cattledogdirt@gmail.com> Thu, Apr 10, 11:26 AM (22 hours ago) to me Speaking of pool reading what books do u recommend for summer. Insight needed ash <madonnapopstar12@gmail.com> 10:02 AM (21 minutes ago) to cattledogdirt 

Any Bret Easton Ellis novel. Or Tao Lin. They’re easy to read and enjoyable; funny at times. Also very well paced, you can finish a Tao book in a day or two. Richard Siken for poetry. He’s just incredibly goated. Also any magazine! Real review is always interesting.

a question for you
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db hunter <dbhunternoise@gmail.com> Attachments Tue, Apr 8, 3:55 AM (3 days ago) to me good morning, pleased to finally be writing you. it's always a pleasure reading your biting perspectives on this hopeless, yet beautiful city. i grew up here, and have been here of all my life, albeit only a few miles southeast of downtown, on the outskirts of the city, in one of the many barren and hopeless communities where those before me broke their backs day by day just to survive. nonetheless, i still connect to your vivid descriptions of the utterly dark hole that is lying beneath the surface of los angeles' beautiful exterior. when i read your comparisons to bret easton ellis and more specifcally, less than zero, it lined up exactly with my own observations of various social situations i have found myself as a native of this desolate place. this façade that often hides under empty words only becomes natural once you give into it, then you truly lose the plot of it all. my question is, is it possible to have even a shred of authenticity in a city where the superficial reigns supreme? can one truly forge their own path in a time where the masses find comfort in watered down, pale imitations of the past? db One attachment  •  Scanned by Gmail ash <madonnapopstar12@gmail.com> 10:01 AM (21 minutes ago) to db 

Thank you for your email, I don’t find Los Angeles to be a black hole of darkness though. I can see how it reads that way. I’ve come to love it. My whole life is here. It’s beautiful despite its clichés. I also don’t mind feeling like I’m living a Bret Easton Ellis novel, it is fun if you don’t think too intently of it. If you find yourself feeling like your life is facade that seems out of my reach. I’m only 24. I don’t even know what I’m going to eat for breakfast; if I’m going to eat at all. I understand the dismal feeling, that everything is a larp or lazy interpretation of the past. It is. We are quite literally stuck in a hell-hole of hauntology. It’s horrible, I don’t think there will be any truly new culture made in our lifetimes. But I also think it is useful to decontextualize your life from theory/ philosophy. It is lovely to read and digest, but too much of it can take the wind out of your sails and distract from very beautiful things happening, very beautiful, tangible, things happening to you or because of you. Read but not too much, or you’ll want to kill yourself, is what I’m trying to say. Hope your day goes swimmingly (get it?)

You are divinely beautiful and hypnagogic!
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Matthew Wilder <myiphoneiskillingme@gmail.com> Thu, Apr 10, 12:06 PM (22 hours ago) to me I hope you'll come with me to the David Hockney show in Paris. Give me your top three favorite novels. Matthew David Wilder ash <madonnapopstar12@gmail.com> 

9:51 AM (30 minutes ago) to Matthew I can’t go to Paris I don’t have a passport. 

I don’t have many favorite novels, I tend to read more philosophy. But I’ll try, here are books in general: 
1. Play it As it Lays, Didion. Perfect dosage of disaffected-ness.
2. Anti-Oedipus, Deleuze and Guattari. #slutfordeleuz
3. Eros the Bittersweet, Anne Carson. I love her. Beautiful book about desire being the only true objective emotion. I love her inclusion of the Greek alphabet in it as well. Maybe we can go to Paris one day. Not now though. I’m at Coachella

i lied
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Rudy Rodriguez
Thu, Apr 10, 11:55 AM (22 hours ago)
i was at cvs and hit someone’s bumper they said “hey! did you hit my bumper?” i said “no it was like that when i pulled in” they said “oh” i did hit their bumpe

ash <madonnapopstar12@gmail.com> 10:03 AM (17 minutes ago) to Rudy It’s fine to lie about that kind of thing

(no subject)
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linkyboiguy <loganburson007@gmail.com> 8:55 AM (1 hour ago) How does it feel to be super famous Madonnapopstar12realmadonna?

9:45 AM (34 minutes ago) to linkyboiguy Very cool. <loganburson007@gmail.com> 8:55 AM (1 hour ago) to me How does it feel to be super famous Madonnapopstar12realmadonna? ash <madonnapopstar12@gmail.com> 9:45 AM (41 minutes ago) to linkyboiguy Very cool. </madonnapopstar12@gmail.com></loganburson007@gmail.com>